I haven't been very well lately, in the emotional/mental sense... A lot of things have been happening, and in my processes of trying to fix and move forward, I've pushed a lot of people away. I haven't been very fair to some people, and I've completely ignored others.
In the past few months I've had to get over a long-term relationship, rebuild one with God, and fall into another with someone close. This takes a lot of courage and trust for me to actually sit here and type the gist of what's been going on in my little head.
In the process of moving on from the first relationship I've probably caused many, if not all, the fights I've had with some really close friends, and family. I've put myself in strife, and stressed my family out more than I could have ever possibly imagined. If you're a very, very close friend, you'll understand. If not, perhaps you don't need to, but if you ask and I consider you a true friend, I might tell you.
I want to apologise to all the people I've distanced myself from; all the people I've been a complete bitch to; all the people who have only tried to help; and to all people who haven't done anything but support me...
If you know what actually went on, you'll understand why I wouldn't post it on a blog, but hopefully you'll understand why I'm apologising, and perhaps even accept my apology.
I would also like to apologise to a few parents out there, you know who you are, and I really am truly sorry for everything that has happened...
To my mum, and step-dad, I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for lying; for disobeying you; and for giving so many reasons for you to mistrust me. I only hope that you can forgive me, and that one day, that same trust will be rebuilt. I love you.
To my closest friends, I'm sorry for worrying you; for not being the very best that I can be; and for isolating myself from you. None of you deserved that because more than likely, you didn't know how to help, but you still tried. Thank you for not giving up.
To my youth leaders, I'm sorry for stressing you; for putting pressure on you to help me (I assure it was unintentional); and for pretty much being an annoying teenager. Thank you for praying for me, and for encouraging me to turn to God.
To my school counselor, Mrs Flatley, I'm sorry for giving you many, many reasons to be stressed over the past year-and-a-half. I'm also sorry for not going to you when I needed support most. Thank you so much for supporting me; for listening, talking, giving advice; and mostly for encouraging me to trust God. You are such an amazing woman, and I wish you all the best. You will be surely missed from Tongarra.
To Someone, as you have now been dubbed as on my blog, I would like to apologise for the way things have turned out; for lying to people; for mistrusting you; and for not being a good enough girl, and sister in Christ. Though thank you for being patient, and for trusting me... Everything happens for a reason.
To God, my Lord and Saviour, I'm sorry for everything; sorry for all the wrong I've done, am possibly doing, and will do. You know my thoughts, and I thank you for everything...
This blog is very personal. If you wish to say anything to me about it, all I ask is that you be honest, or don't say anything at all. To be honest, I don't actually know what compelled me to write this. Perhaps it was God telling me I need to apologise, get things out in the open... Or perhaps it was just me over reacting =P
Whatever it was, I hope you can all accept my apology, and if you don't accept it, then it's probably best to leave it...
"Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift."
~Margaret Lee Runbeck~
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone."
~Harriet Beecher Stowe, Little Foxes, 1865~
Thank you.
God bless,
Girl With An Addiction
xoxo =P
I don't know who someone is, but I'm sure that upon reading this, he'd tell you that you are more than forgiven. Under the circumstances, I'm sure you've been very patient and trusting, perhaps more so than he would have expected. You've shown so much development in your relationship with God, which is enough to excite any loving brother in Christ! :)
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, a certain Someone has a gift for you. So if there is a way that you and he could exchange Christmas gifts, that is within your parents guidelines, I'm sure he'd like to know.
Also, are you going to be at the Christmas service on Saturday?
I'm glad that Someone would be willing enough to forgive me, and to trust me enough, for basically everything. Also very happy to know that my relationship with God is progressing and that it's really starting to show, and that it makes other people happeh :)
ReplyDeleteI like participating in gift exchanges, especially if it involves certain Someone's involvement... :P
The Midnight service on Christmas Eve sounds like a good idea for this gift exchange... Depending on whether Someone is going.
Disappointingly, I won't be at the service on Saturday. But I do hope that Someone has a fantastic balismical day! :)