Friday, June 3, 2011

Death, And The Effects Of It.

Girl With An Addiction is randomly posting this, because she feels a connection to death.

I'm just going to point out the title and my introductory line to this blog. Perhaps it's a bit bold to say, or a little strange, but I feel as though I have this real "connection" to death. Whether it be from my history, now, or even a weird "spiritual connection" to death and those who have passed, I feel as though I need to discuss this.

I've been thinking about life a lot lately, and the grief that comes from losing a loved one. Just a moment ago, I had Hilary Duff's song Someone's Watching Over Me  play through my mind, followed my Evanescence's My Immortal. You know when you have one of those mind montages of someone you've lost play through your mind? I had one of those. Completely out of the blue.

Today I was walking through one of my "hometowns", and went into Golo to buy something. At the counter there was a little stand for SIDS and Kids Red Nose Day products. Straight away, I picked up one of the bracelets and bought it. 

Now, for those of you who don't know what it is, SIDS stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, and affects many many families, including mine.

For those of you who have been affected by SIDS, I'm not going to say "I know how you feel, and I'm sorry," because that's just daft. I've been terribly affected and scarred for life from SIDS, but unless I'm you, I really have no idea how you feel. If you're someone who has lost a sibling to SIDS, then I have an idea of how you're feeling, and the grieving pain you suffered and still suffer, but I don't know how you feel. You may have had a closer connection to your lost one, or you may have never known them. Either way, I'll never know how you truly feel, and I'll never be able to fully grasp the loss you're dealing with. I say this because everyone deals with death in different ways. 

If you're a mother or father who have lost someone to SIDS, then I can never imagine the pain and anguish you have felt/feeling. I truly hope that you're dealing the best way you can.

The reason why I don't apologise to people who have lost someone to SIDS, is because it wasn't my fault. I personally find it very irritating when people apologise to me. Yes, I don't mind if they say "I hope you're okay," or "my condolences to your family," but don't apologise, because you didn't kill them.
Bold? Perhaps, but it's true. What's the point in apologising if you didn't kill them?
It would be like saying "I'm sorry" to someone who has had their house broken into and their valuables stolen. You didn't steal them, so why apologise?

To be honest, I don't know what to say to anyone who has lost someone to SIDS. I know from personal experience that a simple, "I hope you're holding up" suffices for me, and it's helpful to know that people are caring.

If you don't grasp the full extent of what SIDS is, read the following:
From 1989-2007, 3704 infants died from SIDS, along with 2907 Perinatel deaths in 2006 alone (that's 10.3 deaths per 1000 births. Also, Google Perinatel if you don't know what it is). 

That may have no effect on you, and if it doesn't, I desperately urge you to open your eyes and take a look at the world from a perspective other than your own. Scaring you is the last thing I want to do, but this is a really serious and touchy subject, that needs to be discussed for the benefit of everyone. 

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you know my story. If not, then I'll share, again:

When I was four years old, my mother gave birth to my stillborn brother, Jay.
A year later, she had another son, Lachlan, who died of SIDS at six weeks.
That's my story, in very short terms. I suggest you take a read of some of my other blogs, to know what actually happened.

This year will be Jay's 11th birthday, and Lachlan's 10th. I can't actually believe it's been that long already. As  a tradition, I'll be dedicating a blog to each of them, during the weeks of their birthdays and passings. As a symbolic tradition, I will be painting my nails red (to raise awareness for SIDS) and blue (in honour of my brothers). So to any teachers reading this:
I will be wearing nail-polish and SIDS and Kids badges and bracelets. So please, do not ask me to remove them, because I won't, and you'll be hearing a stern word from my family if I do need to remove them.

To everyone who's reading this, I don't want you to treat me as though I have a high sensitivity to talking about it. I may at times, but I'm actually quite open about it.
I know they're gone, and I know my life will never be the same, but I'm happy. Not happy that my two brothers are gone, or that my family is still suffering tragic loss.
But happy that even though I knew them for an extremely short amount of time, I remember them.

I remember how special they were. 
I remember rubbing my mum's belly and telling her how proud I was to be a big sister, when she was carrying Jay. 
I remember playing with Lachlan and hearing him laugh. 
I remember knowing that no matter how small Jay was, he was perfect. 
I remember knowing that no matter how much Lachlan cried, he was perfect.
I remember how much I loved them, and how much they loved me, even if they didn't know me properly.

No matter what, I'll never forget them, and everyday I cherish those memories.

If you've lost someone you loved dearly, I'm not going to tell you to not hide in grief and sadness. It's a way of dealing with it, and it's a way of grieving. But I do ask that you try and be happy that you knew them, be happy that you saw them, and be happy that no matter what, you'll remember them most for the good times you shared.

If you lost someone you didn't know particularly well, or didn't exactly get along with, then I suggest you take a look at why you didn't, and why things turned out the way they did. You'll probably find out a few things you didn't know. You may disagree, you may not, but I believe that every person is a good person. Some of them just follow the wrong path.

I don't know your story. 
But now you know mine, and I'm truly hoping that you understand why I'm randomly blogging about this.

Have a listen to Hilary Duff's Someone's Watching Over Me.

And Evanescence's My Immortal.

At the moment, I wouldn't classify myself as a Christian, but I hope that God loved my brothers.
And I know that they're folding stars.

Biffy Clyro - Folding Stars

Oh and don't forget to buy something from SIDS and Kids this Red Nose Day, on June 14th, and don't forget to roar like a Red Nose Dinosaur!

SIDS and Kids

Red Nose Day

Girl With An Addiction
xoxo =P