Monday, November 15, 2010

Dealing With A Breakup...

Girl With An Addiction is writing to you about how to deal with a breakup... 

For those of you who are either really slow with keeping up to date about my life, or who just don't want to know/can't be bothered/don't give a crap, I've been single for quite some time now. I actually started writing this post a few days after the break-up, but I realised I wasn't ready to delve into it at the time. So, it's about 3 months late, but you can still read it :P

And it may not just be about how to deal with a relationship breakdown... I might just happen to go into somewhat opinionated speels about relationship issues which, in my opinion, are petty and don't matter. 
Moving on, enjoy!

Not everyone has experienced a breakup, and those of you who are fortunate enough to have never been through one, prepare yourself, for they will come. I will say though, that I am no expert. I've just had some experience, so I hope this helps you, and if not, stop reading my blog :P

To those of you who have been through a very bad, heart-wrenching breakup, keep you're eyes open and take in what I have to say. It may or may not help, but I really hope it does. To those of you who are lucky and haven't been through one, take my advice anyway... It may just come in handy one day.

I've dated a few guys before, and as much as I regret being with some of them, they have helped make me into who I am today. I've shared secrets, memories, tears, laughter, spirituality, and for some more than others, love... Even though I am young, I do believe in love, whether it be real or not, it's there, in secret, out in the open, and sometimes even both. 

Stress less, I'm not going to go all lovey-dovey, or sad and depressed on you.... Take it from someone who knows, not all relationships are as perfect or as destructive as they appear. I'm also not going to go into detail with everything, because frankly (and no offence to anyone), it's none of your business... 

I was in a very odd relationship for 15 and a half months, with a boy who I thought was "The One," or whatever you wanna call it. Turns out, I was wrong. 

I rushed into a very serious and chaotic (not necessarily in a bad way) relationship that turned out to be one of the best, and one of the worst things I've ever experienced. 

You know who you are, and I'm truly sorry if this hurts you.

Being in a relationship isn't always about telling each other every little thing that goes on in your life. It isn't always about the amount of time you spend together. It's about happiness. So what if you fight everyday? So what if you only see each other twice a week? So what if there's an age gap? If the good times outweigh the bad times, and if happiness outweighs sadness, then that's what makes a relationship count. (In my opinion anyway, and aside feelings for each other, of course.)

Say there was a boy, who happened to have feelings for a younger girl... Is it bad if there's an age difference? Will people honestly look down on a someone who's 25 and is dating a 23 year old? No. So why should they look down and cast their stupid judgements onto a school aged person? It's drasticly ridiculous and petty. And as if their opinion is going to matter to those people anyway.

It's almost as bad as judging homosexuals. Yes, the Bible says that it is wrong to be with someone of the same sex, but why go out of your way to judge them? They have just as many feelings as straight people, and all they've really done is what the world has told them to do; follow their hearts. So they do, and people hate them. It's absurd!

SO, I'm on a rambling speel.... Back to relationship breakdowns...

I'll put it bluntly, but I mean no offence to anyone, and I'm not subjecting anything I write, they're just my views. When you're experiencing a relationship breakdown, I believe you can be one of two categories:

The first,
The Controller.
The Controller, (to put it simply) is the person who initiates everything in the relationship. 

  • They like to know what's happening, either in detail or not at all
  • They can't have things both ways, it's one way or the other
  • The Controller isn't always the "bad" partner, sometimes it's just who they are
  • They are a born leader, and have dominant characteristics, that can be good in some cases
  • They aren't afraid to speak their mind
  • They're often the partner who initiates fights, and/or misunderstandings

The second,
The "Innocent"
The "Innocent" is usually seen as the lesser in the relationship. I say innocent, because in some cases, they are seen as innocent.

  • They speak up, but probably not as often as they should
  • Sometimes they can be afraid to share opinions, so they keep quiet about certain issues
  • The can be targets for any kind of abuse
  • More or less seen as the innocent partner, though this isn't always the case

I honestly think that if you can see yourself in one of the these categories, then the relationship isn't worth saving unless you and your partner (or ex) can come to a conclusion that you should be in the middle; the last category:

The Beneficial in all Areas
"The Beneficial in all Areas", is a person/couple who truly wants their partner/relationship to be as happy as oneself/can be. 

  • They're happy to be in a relationship where the other person is just as willing and ready as they are
  • They value and respect their partner's opinions and views
  • They don't find every little petty thing worth fighting over (That may just be my opinion...)

If you find that you are in this category, then I tip my hat to you, because I think this is the second best relationship to be in.

The BEST however, consists of so much more;
A relationship centered around God, who is love. A relationship that is based on God is truly the best relationship a man and woman can experience together, physically intimately and emotionally intimately.

And I'm getting to that stage where I keep having mental blanks and get my words muddled, so very sorry if I'm making no sense...

If you're experiencing a relationship breakdown, or are coping with one, I think the best things you can do are (and I more than likely did all of them):

  • Talk to someone. If you don't like talking to someone, maybe you could write yourself or someone a letter, and have them read it
  • Record how you feel about it. Sounds odd I know, but later on you can reflect on it... I found it somewhat comforting anyway...
  • If you can't face it, distract yourself for the time being. Take up a hobby, catch up with old friends, go shopping..
  • Go for a walk. A great friend once told me that walking gives you time to process and think things through.. (Something like that anyway...) It's rather calming, especially if you live near nice environments
  • If you're a girl, talk to an older female. No doubt they would have had some experience of a relationship. (Don't let them fool you, they are quite amazing when it comes to relationship advice, whether you realise it at the time or not)
  • The same applies to guys, talk to an older male, they may not know how to help, but even just listening helps
  • Write a blog! Get all your emotions out, be opinionated! Screw the world's views and judgements, don't be afraid to say what you feel!
  • Above all.... Eat some chocolate... It really does help =D
  • REALLY above all... You should talk to God. Pray and read the bible... It helps, whether you like it or not, it will provide comfort. He will provide comfort.

So, I hope you actually got something out of this severe flabbergast of a blog, instead of just realising how significantly odd I am, and in turn laughing at me (I know you did, you can't cyber-lie to me)...

Have a fantastic-balismical week, and keep checking my blog... Expect a post in say... A day or so... =)

Girl With An Addiction
xoxo :P 


  1. LOL Yar.
    I like the photo.
    I wasn't very happy when I wrote this.. And it's probably a little bias...
    But I hope it still helps people.. :)


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